it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
