Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
