She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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