dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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