How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
