I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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