how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
