But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
