Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
