3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
