Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
