I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
