Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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