please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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