i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
