i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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