my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
