I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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