She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
