for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
