she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My life is pants optional.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
