Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
