Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
