Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
