Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Jerry, you need to find god
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
