I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
