Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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