yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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