Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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