Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
