i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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