This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Congratulations! We have a period
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