how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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