Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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