Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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