I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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