I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't deserve a penis
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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