Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
