is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
