i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
