That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
