Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize