the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
