and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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