I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
