Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When are your genitals available?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
