The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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