so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
