I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
