What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
