I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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