So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
