Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
